I made a big change today. It’s become a bit of a thing for me in the past couple of years — making changes.
If I want my life to be different, but I’m not willing to change anything, nothing’s very like to change.
But the thing is, change means risk. The bigger the change the bigger the risk.
Today, I left my job of seven years and a lot of people I love.
When you let something go in order to pick up something different, that something different may end up being a bust. It could blow up in your face. And even if it’s good change, there’s loss to grieve.
Opening yourself up to something new is a risky bet. Whether it’s a new job, a new home, a new relationship, or new territory in a friendship , there’s a lot to lose.
And we develop defenses around these things. My emotional brain spends a good amount of time telling me things like, “We’re doing WHAT?!?!? What the heck are you thinking??? Don’t you know what could happen here?”
That’s really the kicker — what could happen. The way life has gone before and the way that has taught me, consciously and not, that it will always or at least usually go.
My emotional self doesn’t trust me. Sometimes so much that it tries to take the wheel, even fights me for it.
But my rational and spiritual self has learned (is still learning) that every day really is new. That I can make different choices and impact the way things go. That would could happen isn’t what has to happen.
And so much is on the line. Joy is on the line. And life. Beauty and growth and possibility. Love is on the line.
We will never be more open to love and joy and life than we are open to pain and loss. You can’t guard against loss without also guarding against all the good things.
New life is there for us, but we always have to open our hands and let go of something we know to receive it.
In two weeks I start a new job. I don’t know where it might take me, how it might challenge and change me. But I’m excited for the possibilities, for the room to grow further into who I’m made to be. For good things I haven’t imagined.
The more I let go to reach out for something new, the more my emotional self learns there are more possibilities. She’s learning to relax, at least a little. To trust me and trust the good things. She’s learning that on the other side of loss, there’s always the possibility of new life. That while the unknown is still scary, it’s also full of beautiful surprises.
She’s learning to risk the bet.