“When it’s meant to be, you’ll know it.”
“It just wasn’t meant to be.”
After 44 years of being single, I long ago lost count of the times I’ve heard these kinds of things, from both loving friends and clueless acquaintances, about all kinds of circumstances, but mostly about dating.
“Meant to be” doesn’t exist, at least not in that way it’s used.
There is no fate. There is no “God’s will,” at least not in that fatalistic, stand-in-for-fate sense.
God’s will is simply God – the beginning and the end of all things – drawing all of our chaotic randomness to that end like metal shavings to a magnet. The path will eventually get there however we twist and turn it in the meantime.
The only sense in which “meant to be” is true is in what is. Now. This moment. With no guarantees of where it will or won’t lead.
So many things that are meant to be never will be.
Sometimes you do know. In those first moments, there’s something that says, oh, this! This I was made for!
And you’re not wrong. But one or a hundred choices along the way – both already and yet to be made – mean what was meant to be won’t be.
Life is a series of grievings for what was meant to be. It is more than that, but it is that.
The denial may help some, but it’s never comforted me. It denies the often crappy reality of choices and their consequences. Some of those choices were mine. Some of them were about me, and some weren’t about me at all, but the result is the same.
Someone chose to walk away from what was meant to be. Because they are afraid of it. Because of some lie their past has taught them. Because of what they are afraid they’ll miss out on. Because they’ve bought what someone is selling about what they’re supposed to want. Because, for whatever reason, maybe even a good one, they’ve chosen a different possibility.
But sometimes, for this single moment, we can hold what was meant to be in our hand, just by recognizing it.
We will only be able to grasp it if we can let go of – grieve – what we want it to be in other moments, what we want to make it.
But if we can let go, it can be beautifully and imperfectly what was meant to be for this one moment. And whatever may come cannot destroy that.
Neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, not height or depth, not any powers, not even the future, can separate us from the gift of love. Even the gift of love that is only a moment.
The only thing we ever really have, the only gift we’re ever given, is now, in this moment and in its memory.
What good to turn away because it isn’t guaranteed to be there tomorrow?